I never would have said that my husband is a narcissist, however, now, it appears that he does have narcissistic tendencies.
Dictionary definition of a Narcissist -a person who is overly self-involved and often vain and selfish.
If I were to describe my husband, I would not say he is self-involved, vain or selfish.
However…
I’ve seen posts about narcissists and how they treat you… and I’m like that sounds like my husband.
Mayoclinic.org says Narcissism is a disorder – it’s called Narcissistic personality disorder -it’s a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. (BINGO). But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism. (BULL’S-EYE).
This makes sense now.
After about ten years of being together, I realized we were fighting about me loving him, or maybe I should say not loving him. Like, literally fighting…
“You don’t love me!”
“Yes I do!”
Fighting, yelling at each other. Around and around we would go.
He wasn’t getting the attention he wanted or needed. He wasn’t getting sex how he wanted it. I couldn’t give it to him how he wanted it because of my past and because he has done things to sabotage our relationship, prolonging my healing. And he couldn’t understand that. He was like… “well that was your past, I’m not those people.” He had/ has no compassion, no empathy, not for my past before him nor for what he has done.
And criticism? No way! He cannot handle it.
I don’t believe I criticize him, however I don’t beat around the bush. I keep it real. But when I confront him on his stuff he feels like I’m blaming him for everything, somehow me telling my truth hurts him so he hurts me back. He says things out of spite and makes things worse. Somehow he flips it on me and I find myself defending myself against lies.
The old Amy would have left. How have I stayed?
Outside of what appears to be narcissism, my husband is an amazing person and I do believe he does love me. I believe God put this man in my life for a reason and I made the choice to love him for better or for worse. And God willing, we will get through it.
The devil will not win even if my husband is a narcissist.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the spiritual realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with THE BELT OF TRUTH buckled around your waist, with THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS in place, and with YOUR FEET FITTED WITH the readiness that comes from THE GOSPEL OF PEACE. In addition to all this, take up the SHIELD OF FAITH, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take THE HELMET OF SALVATION and THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. -Ephesians 6:10-20